Obsession

I really feel sorry for my husband right now...I'm currently obsessed my creating a guest room/office. It's not costing much money at all, so I don't feel that guilty. But it is creating a lot of work and probaby annoyance for him.

I'm sure I've mentioned it before, I just get these compulsions or obsessions and I can't shake them until I get it out of my system. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. I would play for hours alone with my barbies in some imaginative playworld. All the time. Every day. Until I was way too old to still be playing with barbies. I was obsessed with certain movies (ahem, Indiana Jones, still obsessed with it!). I was obsessed with the Reds (oh yeah, still am!). Though some of the guys I used to crush on may have changed, goodbye Tom Cruise, hello Chris Evans, very few of my mannerisms have changed.

And I feel I am unfortunately passing this trait on to my kids. I wish I was obsessed over good things, like cleaning really well, exercising, cooking, reading, knitting, etc. Too bad I don't. I try to calm myself down, but I just think about it all the time! At least I can multi-task with my obsessions...I'm able to try to plan a summer trip to Cleveland all based around when they're filming Captain America there so my darling daughter and I might get a glimpse of our super hero, at the same time attending an Indians game of choice that the boys want to see. And plan our spring break trip visiting my dear friend, seeing the capital to appease the husband and fitting in a Nationals game to quench my thirst for more baseball (wouldn't you know they are playing in Cincy the week before...maybe we can go then too!). And we can't forget all things Disney! Planning that big family trip for the summer too...at least I don't have to coordinate those dates around other things...at least not that I know of!

So, I feel sorry for my husband for having to move furniture and watch the same movies over and over. I feel sorry for my friends who have to hear me talk about the same things over and over. And my poor facebook friends that put up with my endless posts about the Reds...but at least that's only for a few months out of the year...be thankful I don't like hockey!!

It's the most scary time of the year

It's the most scary time of the year and I'm not talking about the elections!!

I used to dread this time of year...it would always put my convictions to the test. I always loved the weather and autumn itself, but as a mother I dreaded what the majority celebrated this season.
 
For starters, I battle every day of my life trying to defeat fear. Fear of a lot of things. But mostly fear of all things scary, especially supernatural. I've always had a problem with fear. I never had any negative supernatural experiences myself, but I feared having them! Just hearing people in my family or church talk about it or seeing scary things on tv did me in. I had such a paralyzing fear of all things devilish, that my mom wrote down "Perfect love casts out all fear" and would have me carry it with me and make me repeat it whenever I started to panic. I know that God is greater, but I have to remind myself of that every day.
 
The other issue is growing up my mom always wanted to educate us to make the right decisions. I have watched so many films, had to read so many books & articles about how pagan and non-Christian so many of our holidays really were. She constantly lectured about them ALL of the time. And it wasn't just to me and my brother, it was to everyone. It was squashed inside of me and I had no choice but to follow.
 
So when my first child was born, I felt this enormous pressure from not only myself but from my mom on how we would celebrate holidays. I was intimidated and so the easiest thing for me to do was to do nothing. I would only decorate for Christmas and be careful about that. She always had her opinion of what I did or she made sure to say it before I even had the chance to do something or not.

So now she's gone and I still find myself dreading this month. But I've learned to be accountable for my own beliefs and convictions. I love the color of the changing leaves and pumpkins. There is nothing sinister in that. The kids love to dress up and play pretend, but I let them do it all year long so they don't feel odd or strange not going out at the end of the month like every other kid they know. And as for the candy, that's a treat any time of the year!

We read the Bible and Bible stories to our kids, pray every day and teach them to love God. But I don't want to bully them into it. I know this will have affect every area of their life where they will have to make decisions and I want them to be accountable for what they chose, not just because it's what their mom told them.

So, I still don't promote anything scary or wicked (would that make God be glorified??) and I don't cram it down other people's throats if they choose to do things differently. I don't totally keep the kids away from all things associated with this time of year either. But above all, I am still searching for the right way to live and raise my kids and if God wants things done a different way, I'm all for change! Happy Fall :)

Things Happen When you Try

Now I appreciate having a small house and not so much furniture, namely bedroom furniture for the kids. I thought it would be a good idea to give my daughter her own room and put the two boys in the bigger room together. The kids were sold on this idea and so was I, but there is never any time to do it.

twin's room before

I took advantage of the husband taking one of kids to an out of town wedding where they would be staying the night. And the twins spent the day and night with my dad. So I was determined to get this room switch done. But I also wanted to scratch my itch of eliminating the white walls by painting the boys room. As soon as the door left behind the twins, I was on the clock.

Dissassemble the room and clean it.

twin's room before

Then I finally painted it. Here is where the appreciation of a small house comes in...I can't imagine having big or lots of rooms to paint. Or numerous or large windows to treat either. But the project wasn't too bad. I did have an Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade moment when I was cleaning the walls and thought I could just stretch a little bit more to reach a spot without having to move my stepstool (you know the part at the end of the movie when Indy falls down the crevice reaching for the girl and then can barely touch the cup?). Of course I fell off.

these 3 pics are the boys' room now (the "after")

daughter's new room (new bedding)

To my surprise it was a little fun challenging myself to inexpensively spruce up their new bedrooms. I've decided to keep things simple. Not blow our hard-earned money of useless decor the just collects dust (one more chore). I'm not an interior decorator, but I sure appreciate seeing my friends' ornately decorated homes...I gain more & more respect for them each day! I'm sure my daughter will be disappointed that I didn't make her room pink. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Her walls are still white and she has denim drapes that I like because they block out a lot of excess light. I really wanted something lite and classical for her. So I went with navy & red floral with paisley sheets.

After cleaning things up, I admit I was pretty pleased with things. Until I went downstairs and saw my hallway light fixtures that look like they came right out of the Haunted Mansion in Disney World...not the look I'm going for!

Oh and I've decided, I'm not going to continue to call my house small, I thing I will call it cozy. And my back and legs are kind of telling me to put up with the white walls in the rest of the house for a little while!

The Craft

Well I've finally done it. After being a mother for over 9 years, going to multiple "crafty" parties in my life, and spending many hours on Pinterest...I have finally completed my first, non-kid-assisted craft. It is mostly for the kids' stuff, but to save my sanity.

I have kept all of the craft magnets that the kids have made for me and display them proudly. In fact, I have put some to good use.

The little "butterfly" clothespin magnet from the oldest child has been used the most (and for those who know me, it is painful for me to touch it since it is a butterfly, but nevertheless, useful).

I have used it for a couple of years now to hold their homework that is due in the coming days or things that I need to hang on to for a while. I also use it to clip upcoming tickets to Reds games, invitations to the countless events we have to attend and so on. It is vital to our survival!

But the trouble with it is that it would get heavy at times and fall off the cabinet or fridge. Or when someone wanted to clip something to it, often times the other papers would fall out and create a mess. So it wasn't getting the job done as efficiently as I wanted.

I wanted to solve my little dilemna without spending much money or wasting more time. That is when my Pinteresting came through. I thought of a magazine holder or some kind of file folder. But I didn't have any counter space anywhere. I wanted to make some 3-dimensional and keep it on the fridge near the calendar. The I thought of it! An old cereal box.

I would cut it a little, cover it and attach magnets to it!

And there I have it! My first craft that I thought of on my own and did all by myself! My daughter is so proud!

Good Advice

You've probably been to a few showers where the hostess asks you to write down advice for the guest of honor. I know I've been to quite a few and have also been the recipient. There have been times lately where I'm in the middle of this huge problem (you know, the kid's homework!) and needed some advice. Where are those little slips of paper then? Probably in a box with one of the invitations, the confetti, the special little trinkets that I kept, fully intending to scrapbook...Of course now I don't even know where that box is!

So I was thinking, now that I've been married a while and had the kids, what advice would I give myself?

• Never  run out of milk...and hot dogs.
• Pick out school clothes the night before, that goes for lunches & snacks too.
• At least every season go through the toys and box up more than half of them, then switch the toys so they are "fresh" again.
• Remember that kids outgrow underwear & socks too.
• What good is it to have gloves, hats, coats & snow pants if I forgot to buy snow boots?
• They don't need birthday parties every year.
• Go on a vacation that the husband likes too, then Disney every time after that.
• Adjust to eating dinner by yourself during family meals, by the time you sit down to eat everyone is done.
• Wear the nice pajamas every once in a while. And jewelry too.
• Try to declutter the house before bed, even if that means putting everything in a laundry basket and putting it in the closet until the next day.
• Stop at one.

If you have any to add, I'd love to hear them!!

Live in Da Now Instead of Denial

A lot of conversations I've had with friends lately have involved denial. And all of them had negative impacts not only on the people in denial, but also their loved-ones around them. When I thought about what denial means to me, I define it as deception to one's self, whether intentional or not...it's still a lie. Many times I think we confuse being in denial with having faith, but that's not true at all. Usually with denial there is inaction, whereas faith requires action--usually involving prayer and constant searching for truth.

It didn't take long for me to deal with denial and see how negatively it impacted my family.

My real experience with denial was 28 weeks pregnant with my first child and I had all the symptoms of labor, but I refused to believe that I would be having this baby already. I was just going to work through it and deny the signs. Once I was finally convinced to go to my doctor, my life changed drastically when I gave birth to a preemie. It still didn't seem real to me, I just kept thinking that this little 2lb, 14oz boy would be just fine and come home from the hospital shortly and not have anything wrong. It did no good to believe that. That didn't stop him from coming home 6 weeks later on oxygen, needing surgeries and developmental therapy for the next 3 years. Each day I was crushed. I didn't want to believe this was happening to my child. But truth was the truth and I had to deal with it. Once I began to live in reality and accept it, I saw it wasn't so bad. God put people in my path that helped us along the way. Denial only made life harder.

Good thing I started living in the now because 4 years later it was deja vu all over again! But this time it was 27 weeks pregnant with twins. I thought this can't be happening to me again! This pregnancy I took precautions to prevent preterm delivery, but whatever, it happened. But this time my perspective had changed. I had seen God do the impossible with my first child and I knew that if I sought His direction, He wouldn't fail. It may not be in the way that I expect, but when I surrender to His will, then He is in control. The twins were in the hospital longer and it was a rockier road. Still had very similar experiences as far as surgeries and therapy goes, but I dealt with it much better.

My mom was 50 years old and died, 3 weeks after the twins were born, from breast cancer. My dad was in total shock. He admitted that he didn't believe she would really succumb to cancer. He was devastated to lose her, but also felt like it was a lack of faith on his part. They sought treatment. They prayed and asked for God's will to be done...and ultimately His will was done. We were created to serve Him and she had. Our human bodies are destructible and destined to die...and she did. Living in denial during my mom's illness and after her death took a toll on my dad. He refused to believe she was really sick and couldn't believe she was taken away. But what good did all that thinking do? No good. He is slowly going back to church and having a relationship with God as his Father again. And his outlook is changing. He enjoys doing things with our family because we are here. I'm not in any way saying that mourning is wrong, but it's not bringing her back.

Nothing good comes out of denying that we need help or maybe our kids need help. Just accept it and get the help! We can't live in denial if our finances are not good. Find out what we're not doing right and make a change! I'm talking to myself here.

Throw Away the Label

The guy in the movie Puncture buys this suit because it’s on sale and is Armani…it doesn’t exactly look great and it definitely doesn’t fit into his work environment. The girls in Sex and the City only wear designer duds and some of their outfits are atrocities! Growing up, I begged my mom to buy me Guess jeans, I didn’t care what they looked like, just so long as the label said Guess. I got handed down a pair of denim overalls from one of my older cousins and I remember wearing them proudly because they were Guess. Even though they were boys and even though I looked absolutely hideous in them!

My mother-in-law was telling me about a guy she saw who was pierced and tatted up, but he was the kindest, most gentle guy who helped her with something. She said she had judged him wrong so quickly and learned a good lesson.

Those labels we want really mean very little and may even project the wrong image to others. But I guess who really cares what others think? So long as we live right and are pleasing to God, His is the only opinion that counts.

I was reading a MOPS publication recently and it was about a mother taking her kid on a playdate and judged another mother for looking stylish and having a big, clean house. She admitted that she missed out on that mom’s friendship on looks alone. I think a little differently…I think that those who are opposite of me- skinny, pretty women with big, clean houses (or guys of any kind) are judging me and therefore won’t waste their time with my friendship or company. So I was intimidated to ever even initiate a conversation with them or even try to be their friend. Since we had kids in the same class at school I ended up being friends with so many of that type of person and it turns out, I don’t think they judged me because I was the opposite of them. They treated me the same as they treated their friends who were the same as them. How stupid was I!!

In the same way of thinking, I need to throw away the perception of myself based on my label. And stop trying to label my family. I have a tendency to label my oldest son as a kid with Rain Man tendencies because he talks non-stop about useless information (useless to me) and can quickly size up a room with burned out lightbulbs…and it just grates on my nerves!! But a friend said to me that it wasn’t a bad quality, he just has curiosity and his quirks just make him who he is. I have this internal label that my daughter should be prim & proper, yet she is so messy that I get mad at her for being so. She has always been messy and not purposely. At least she knows that she is and always eats her dinner with a towel close by! So what if she’s messy? Just teach her how to clean up after herself and never buy her white clothes!!!

Believe me, I can be a label snob when it comes to lots of things. And because of that I limit myself and miss out.